Pray
Pray
Life is a miracle that we can not understand, just feel it. So pray for all those children that their time is about to start, "Tina Coursin, Pray.
R Ecogia my things to return to the routine as it was being done since the last three months, in absolute silence.
was not sure if the shirt was well pressed, or if his tie matched the suit, but for some time, Esme was no longer responsible for those small details.
that morning not even bother to go back to say goodbye to her.
I imagined her lying in bed, curled up and looking erratic wall without see anything. Had passed his hand over his pillow and noticed my skin was wet because of tears. Being
my week on call, and be not seen her for a couple of days, I did change my mind. Would
Apparently it was too insensitive? A being without feelings? "Cold as an iceberg? Preferred
who thought that they saw as, diaa day, hour by hour, my heart was breaking, feeling helpless, seeing without being able to act as the pain was gaining a little more s departure, and Esme was clinging to him, plunging into a world so dark, in which I was not welcome.
This morning was my white flag and I eventually gave in to the obvious. Was lost and, thus, the passport to my happiness. I was tired of swimming against the tide and ended up resigning that this would be my new habit. Why
to fight the inevitable? We simply had to get used to the idea that the happiest times of our six-year marriage had ended. Was it worth
mourn over the loom Frayed happiness? Best insensitive and cruel that breaks down. One of them had to make sacrifices and stay afloat with real life. Esme had chosen; I had to accept the other option. I took the maletíny
took shelter in my hand, leaving the room without looking back, only accompanied by the eerie silence of the house that was beginning to be huge for us alone, and especially when that silence was filled with tender words of yesteryear.
The doors were closed. All but one.
had made a pact with myself not to fall into that whole routine, but was stronger than me and I instinctively moved my foot more effectively than my rationality, and entered the room, more like a blue sky and white clouds, trying to contain the lump in my throat made me every time I saw this white crib surrounded by stuffed animals and several first-games for a baby.
I was surprised at how intuitive it be with sex. Always said that our first child be a boy and, from the beginning had painted the blue room decorated with suitable for children.
I wiped a tear involuntary impatient to see on the wall that tag bearing the name of that son would never have.
Anthony.
That room had remained well since it all began.
three failed attempts and no results. Even
had saved a couple of eggs and viable for a new attempt, but in the end, I sensed that this does not llevaríaa anything. Esme would not be able to face another failure and I did not see the end of the road if she does not recorríaa me.
The other measure was adopted and had already been signed various roles. But a child was not something that falls from heaven and I wondered how soon give up before we should give some news.
I shook my head nervously. It was not worth playing with the smoldering embers and left there as a soul who had the devil.
~ * ~
Nothing presaged me that this day was unlike any other. Patient
less masochistic patient, and coffee breaks with colleagues and nurses.
was talk of time and tasks newspapers, anything to distract us from the job.
I let myself smile so broken and so histrionic laugh when one of them told stories of the antics of their children.
And when he returned to work, giving instructions to the nurses and younger residents, everything seemed to stop when a large group of paramedics and nurses came rushing with two couches, running chaotically towards anywhere, while one of them cried with a loud voice: "Doctor! Medic! "
Without knowing where the coffee left, I walked quickly into one of the stretchers.
But one of the paramedics shook his head. I looked at the table and saw that the body was covered. Understood.
There was a car accident on Archer Avenue # 20, Dr. Cullen, "I explained the background while I walked a step asentíay rápido." In the car had two people a man and a woman. He was the husband. His name was Edward Masen and was thirty years ... "he muttered while on his way to the morgue and I was stopping. "I fear, Dr. Cullen, you can not do anything for him. But she may still need, "he nodded at the other table that was going into surgery.
As an automaton, I addressed the surgery number six and sterilized as I put my hands and gloves, mask and hat, watched the chaos that was around the woman from the bed changed The cleaned blood and trying to put it straight to intubate.
"Bring two units of blood cried negative zero the head nurse.
was so absorbed by the mental exercise of the procedure was under way, wondering why it had not been required radiographs, which I turned over the heart when a young nurse I was informed of all :
"Her name is Elizabeth Masen. White woman of twenty-five years. Presents a picture of multiple injuries all over his body and there have been breaks in several major blood vessels which has caused severe blood loss.
- What is the degree of seriousness, "I asked methodical.
I do not know ... have not been able to do a comprehensive review given the state ... "He shook his head.
I stared at her in a threatening manner. Had they put into this matter to the novice nurse?
She was cowering before my eyes and began to babble in a disjointed:
"There are circumstances forbidding ... ... this ... there are too many risks ...
not let it end when I went directly to the woman and decided to ; see the extent its severity.
But I was rooted to the spot where I saw two paramedics of great strength, assisted by three nurses tried to straight women, which was completely curled up on itself, with hands on her belly.
Although, I concluded that weigh no more than sixty kilos due to its slim figure, I was totally surprised that she would not budge one iota and the participants were unable to incorporate it.
By noticing the position of her hands on her swollen belly, I realized where I was the problem.
- Let me this to me, "I ordered, I got it! Meanwhile, someone get me a scanner and a baby monitor, I demanded as I stood so close to the woman, breaking dangerously sterile area.
Gently I stroked her hair and held my mouth to where his ear. "Her name is Elizabeth
informed me nurse.
"Elizabeth whispered as if he wanted to wake her," I know you're trying to protect your baby. And you're doing very well, but you max out your strengths and need for everything to go well. Please let us help you and the little I begged to hear me.
So it seemed. She somehow seemed relented and agree to the nurses brought to the supine position and relaxed, so I was able to intubate.
Apparently, his pot belly had not suffered any damage.
When a Attendees brought my scanner, I cleared his belly, I expanded the gel and connectors slid along the surface. The monitor gave me the picture soon.
It was a child, about eight months pregnant, and so veíay monitors showed me was in perfect condition.
The electrocardiogram of the mother told me she was not so good. Rather, their status depended on a thread.
I bit my lip anxiously and sighed loudly.
had a difficult decision in my hands ... and would have to be quick ...
~ * ~
spent every hour for Elizabeth Masen's room to check on your progress. I was not aware of time that had elapsed had happened only three times.
And everything remained the same. Rather, a little worse. Elizabeth
remained constant in his gravity. There was no kind of evolution. Not for better or for worse.
However, the baby's vital signs were slowly dimming.
had to make a decision soon before it was too late.
One of the nurses came and looked anxiously to see if she had to find out about the relatives of the Masen.
- "Well?" I asked, mimicking the anxiety that gnawed at me "Do you know something?
It just shook his head.
-Unable to locate any family of Mr. Masen. Nor is it known friends close enough to bear the brunt of this decision. I swallowed
saliva. That only meant one thing.
"The decision to save one of the two applies to you, Dr. Cullen," he said ruefully. "The hospital director has signed everything to be in order. What you decide will be right.
- Sure! "I muttered anguish at the thought of playing God and choose who should live.
Before leaving, I inspire courage:
"We can not always save everyone," he said. "Maybe there is so momentous decisions we are beyond our understanding. You have to let some solutions to our superiors, looked up at the sky and was lost amid the crowd in the corridors.
Powerless, I collapsed in a chair handed me his hands through his hair.
What if I am wrong?
was clear that to save one, was to kill the other. And I could not decide who had more right to live.
not know the damage he had suffered Elizabeth and what would be its evolution. What I knew was that she would not support such as a Caesarean operation.
The monitor told me that the longer we delay, the less chance the baby would survive.
I took a deep breath and stared at Elizabeth.
could not receive too much of it due to the tubes and the wounds he flew into the face. But somehow it seemed very attractive with its strange wavy red hair and his face serene, despite the circumstances.
Slowly, as if afraid to wake her, I stepped to her side and sat beside her, taking her hand.
I do not know why I have such confidence when you barely know you, or why I tell you this, not even think you can hear me. But I feel that I have a time bomb going to explode in their hands, and I have much fear of being wrong, "she honest with her in supplication. "Somehow, despite your condition, I feel better when I'm talking to you. It's as if you intuited somehow, you could give me a solution ... "he shrugged and nodded, feeling helpless. "Hopefully pudieses tell me what you want.
I started to get up, when it suddenly sounded vital signs monitor and Elizabeth were stimulated to almost normal levels, and for a moment I thought I would wake up.
did not, but not stopped surprising me, seeing as Elizabeth moved her hand, with the agility of someone wearing improper ways, squeezing me hard.
And with determination, our hands went to her belly and placed in the center of it.
made me realize that what was only a matter of hours.
Elizabeth had lengthened his life, only and exclusively for your little one survived. She had taken
decisióny I just had to help take him to the end.
our bond ripped it slowly and not dwell too much on legal palliative, I signed the papers. I picked up the intercom
the habitacióny I contacted reception: "Here
Dr. Cullen. Prepáreme the operating room number six for an emergency cesarean section in half an hour ...
~ * ~ I tried to ignore the beeping of the monitor as he indicated to the operating room nurse manager who was instrumental sterilized. Did not want to agonize as foreboding as the constants of Elizabeth went down to the par with those of her unborn child.
"Hold on just one hour more," begged mentally waiting could hear me somehow.
"Everything is in order," he told the anesthesiologist putting the epidural in the lumbar area of Elizabeth.
Meanwhile, I was awaiting the ray technician who made the ecografíae indicated the place where the baby and what the most appropriate place to maneuver.
"It seems that everything is correct," he said Dr. Ryan, chief of obstetrics.
- What is the status of the baby? "I inquired. - Is it viable?
nodded as I noted in ultrasound image representing the baby.
-With eight months, almost all fetuses are. By the swollen belly of the mother and the gestational age, there should be no problems. Perhaps the lungs have not fully developed, but there is nothing that can not be remedied with time in the incubator, "sighed looking at Elizabeth and cable network around her. "The biggest concern is it.
"Yes," I could not tell the secret that Elizabeth and I shared. And while I washed
hands, I wore gloves, entered the sterile area and picked up the scalpel and forceps that nurses had prepared me, I left my mind blank so that the fate of Elizabeth ceases to matter and concentrate on what really mattered.
I looked at his unconscious body to the image area of the monitor told me appropriate to make the incision, and heeding the instructions of one of the surgeons, produced a cut in the skin of Elizabeth. Overcame the resistance offered me his body to be torn by cold knife, and I gradually deepening and stretching the fissure enough to maneuver.
The first drops of blood stained her immaculate skin. The smell, rust and salt, came to my nose. I had always been surprised that such elements form a perfect pairing of life and death. Perhaps wanting to know the answer, I did medicine.
I was startled when the monitor began to beep loudly and looked at him. It was Elizabeth. I noticed that his vital signs, heart and brain activity descended rapidly. I watched the baby monitor and so far remained stable. Had to move quickly.
A couple of nurses came into Elizabeth stabilizing one, but I scolded:
- Now, no! At this moment, it is not our patient. Our patient has not been born yet and we need to do so. Forget that and will monitor your baby!
"Dr Cullen is right, I supported Dr. Ryan. "The main thing is the baby. Then try to save the mother. Beep
intensity increased and I had to make an effort of self-control to not despair. I had very little time.
Fortunately, after several leather and fabric cutting, I began to see the end of the road.
beginning to see the baby's head.
more relaxed this little hope, I lined the edges of the forceps with cotton and put gauze around the wound. I opened the clamps and put them on the ends of the wound to maintain a margin of openness.
That allowed me to see that the baby had the umbilical cord coiled around his neck. Another clip prepared by pressing the cordóny, fingers, I retired to accommodate the hands of her little head and he dragged me out.
not protested to his first contact with the outside world and worried me. But I had to take her mother's placenta and throw and cut the rest of the cord.
And while the screen light indicated that the heart of Elizabeth went into bradycardia, oxygen saturation dropped to eighty-five percent and the EEG became flat, I was with a small viscous thing, wrinkled and bruised my arms. And not a single regret while his mother's electrocardiogram became plane, and the head of several nurses tried to revive cirugíay based on injections of adrenaline and applying the defibrillator paddles.
- Increase the current intensity, "I heard my companion ordered one of the doctors who took care to revive Elizabeth.
- The baby does not respond, "I was alarmed when he saw him limp in my arms.
- more intensity, "again demanded.
- Do not cry! "I went back to cry. Finally someone
throughout the welter, heard me and told me what to do:
-Grasp the heels upside down and give him a spanking on the behind-the doctor called me Ryan said as he helped the revival of Elizabeth.
I did as ordered and she gave him a strong slap on the butt. There was no sign. He waved in the air and did it again with more force.
And at that moment, the piercing cry of a baby deafened by loud noise apparatus. Watched sex and saw that it was a male. A child-and what child, "apparently very healthy and good lungs.
"It's a boy, I informed the nurse laughing, suddenly relieved.
Somehow, I had taken a great burden from the shoulders and I felt very light.
Something told me it was useless, but I decided to do my bit and strive for trying to save his mother who was still convulsing as a result of the defibrillator. There was no improvement.
was going to leave the baby at the hands of a nurse and go to the aid of Elizabeth, when someone pulled my sleeve and stopped me.
simply, I was paralyzed at the sight before him. And for a moment, everything seemed to go in slow motion. Even the baby's crying.
Elizabeth was there, in front of me, and despite the hospital gown, beautiful, pale, disembodied, with her red hair framing her delicate face a delicate, enhancing its porcelain skin illuminated with green eyes like emeralds.
simply, I was hooked to that vision.
tried to turn around to see what my colleagues were doing to keep her alive, but she had caught the sleeve of her robe and shook his head.
I grinned and raised his hand to my chest and placed it where my heart stood. A warmth that began at that point, invaded my body, and all the sadness vanished, and somehow I was at peace with myself, and I did not feel frustrated to see a patient die, or distressed by the loss of a human being. Simply reassured by knowing that it would be fine and in line by making sure your baby would be fine.
And I realized that the body trying to return life was not Elizabeth. The real Elizabeth, his essence, was to me. And I had his heart in my arms.
observed the time and date clock was gone.
- Diaye time of death? "I heard ask the chief surgeon while removing all cables from Elizabeth and hid her lifeless body. Twenty
-June at 03:30 am. Fixation
I looked bruised and wrinkled little thing that moved restlessly in my arms.
"It's a sad birthday for you, little ... But, after all, a birthday."
~ * ~ Even though the activity had decreased, I I felt terribly tired and could not help taking a little nap on my desk. The six cups
Coffee did not help me stay awake and how, at that moment, no one had needed for any emergency, I let this little pleasure.
were strange dreams, but nothing disturbing. Was unaware of what I dreamed, but what little I could remember was that they were all related to Elizabeth. Someone
stirred slightly, and I woke up without any shock.
I focused my eyes to the person who was next to me, and I wondered to myself because I was not surprised to find Elizabeth sitting next to me in my office.
I could not say a word when she, with her velvety voice and music, told me:
-Esme is in the hospital, "he said. "He's in reception, waiting.
As if I had stuck a sharp pang, I got up quickly, and went to the reception, trampling, inadvertently, a poor nurse who probably went to my office: "Dr. Cullen
stammered , while I was going to crash with it, "Mrs. Cullen, his wife, he is expected ...
-At the reception, I know," he said without stopping. "Thank you.
But when I got there, there was no trace of her and worried. I could not ask the receptionist where he was, as it was busy with the phone and arranging papers.
beginning to think had gone home, when the wing continues, maternity leave, I heard the crying of a baby and gave me a feeling a pang; I quickly guided my steps to that room.
And indeed, Esme was in front of the glass that separated the area of infants in the hallways.
But she did not seem to find that I was there.
was laughing and caresses the glass. Sabíaa not what should be, but I was happy to see that for the first time in three months that had elapsed since their last abortion, Esme was so excited.
I looked out my window and I saw what he did start laughing at Esme.
Although it would scarcely six hours of life, the baby of Elizabeth, had improved so inconceivable.
His skin was wrinkled and no longer the purple color had turned to pink. Had weighed 3150 grams and showed healthy nervous.
Perhaps the pain of being orphaned, or that it was one of the most beautiful babies I had seen, had become the darling of nurses and caregivers, and had not repaired in special care, from clothing to stuffed animals and balloons.
The social worker had visited him and to do all the paperwork, and said he did not take long to find a home for the baby.
had not yet opened his eyes, but somehow, he had sensed the presence of Esme and kept my attention with gurgles and small tantrums.
- What does a baby as cute as you are with a garment so ugly? "She sang as she did cuddle. "When I see you again, I will bring nice clothes. Nice clothes for a pretty baby. I could not help but smile
watching the beautiful picture that had formed in my eyes.
It cost so little to happy to Esme. And all she wanted could not have ... or maybe it? Carlisle
I felt a touch on my face. Esme had noticed that I was there and for a moment stopped paying attention to the baby, and turned to me.
"I warned you came, but did not find you. And now that I see you there with the baby, more animated than it has been in recent months, did not want to interrupt.
She only sighed.
-You left without saying goodbye, "he said in an impersonal way to not make me feel guilty. "At first I did not take too much account, because I thought you'd come back, but to spend hours and to see that you did not, I got scared and decided to go looking for you .... I a fool to not remember that was your week on duty ... I did not think twice and went to the hospital. Would tell the receptionist that tells you and go out for coffee with you while we were talking about our stuff ... "he took her hand and smiled ... And then I heard a baby mourn ... sighed and looked back at the baby squirmed uncomfortably ... It was like I was calling. Was stronger than me and ... "from the corner of my eye I saw as his shining every time the baby gurgled and arms stretched out it.
positioning myself behind her and held her by the waist while attracted to me. I rested my chin in her hair and whispered
"Partly, it was my fault. I must tell you I played the busy week ... But I got the feeling that you did not care too much ... I felt so far from me and did not know how to break the barrier that had
created between us ... She turned around and grabbed me hard with his hazel eyes: "I'm sorry
excluded from all this, I stroked. "I did not crawl in my grief, and all I got is that you felt worse ... You hate me so much ... I shook
, but she got to talking about:
" I know I can be very Egoi sta, but I just want you to know that I can drag all my sorrows and leave them. I can endure anything, but I need you by my side. If you're not here, will not know how ... I could not live without you .... For Please do not leave me!
sighed blessed by the fact that despite all the misery, the magic between us had not vanished, but it had made us stronger.
I framed her beautiful heart-shaped face with my hands and lifted it to look at me, and to ensure the sincerity of my words:
-Esme, there is no place to go if I want you do not go with me, "he confessed. "You are my home and my strength. We will draw strength from each other. And we'll be together forever. For better and for worse. That is my promise to you. And the rest, it will slowly mending, "he promised," you'll see.
She just to get my hand in his and squeeze it tightly and then took her to his mouth to kiss my knuckles.
thought to be reach nirvana when his warm lips brushed the sensitive area of my skin.
Magic caved in, in part, when we heard little moans of protest. Esme and I we just laugh softly, then, to break contact and Esme paying attention to the small presence that required. I shook
Head of fun. Just
was born and that little learning too fast. Esme
so I looked sharp with a radiant smile and bright eyes. She was pale and haggard, his hair was chaotic and dull, rough skin and chapped lips, but looked so beautiful when I had a question on the tip of the tongue and not stated.
But somehow we were so involved that he could sense what she wanted.
"Wait here," I said while entering the hatchery.
I said something to the nurse's ear and she nodded, smiling.
I went to the home of pequeñoy, as gently as I could, grabbed the baby in my arms in the face of radiant happiness and expectation of Esme.
This extended his arms forward, and the baby began to stir in my arms. Seemed to be waiting for Esme's arms. Just
. As he deposited into his arms, he calmed down and issued abríay gurgling with happiness as he closed his blue eyes and leaned her head on the chest of Esme, looking with his mouth the teat of it, trying to suck the fabric of his shirt.
Esme, fascinated by the gesture, he rocked and swayed as she began to sing a lullaby.
And when he saw Elizabeth, behind Esme, watching humming gently to your baby, and putting a hand on his shoulder as a sign of camaraderie, I had an epiphany. How
could not have realized so far? Possibly because they were the baby and Elizabeth who I had chosen us. Ely just him.
I must have been very blind not to see Esme's arms were perfectly molded for the little body.
And our home and everything was ready. Like us.
intently watched the baby. A red-gold
strand that escaped from big blue hat she had left. Hair so peculiar that it could be identical to that of her biological mother.
eyes round transparent blue to green could become over time were shown live and too expressive to be someone so small.
began to gesture with his mouth and I knew that trying a hint of a smile.
was ready. Handsome and smart. Perfect. A whole Cullen.
Esme's voice pulled me out of my thoughts:
- How is the baby, Carlisle? "Tenderly inquired Elizabeth Esme while staring at me expectantly waiting for my answer.
I felt mortified at not knowing what to say and being observed three pairs of eyes.
But soon I figured what could be our future together and it was clear.
-Edward Cullen Anthony ... ... ...
Smiles of Esme and Elizabeth illuminated that dark hospital corridor.
0 comments:
Post a Comment